Ice
by divergentandproudofit
Summary: Tris's family moves from St. Louis to Chicago, and Tris decides she doesn't want to care about anything or anyone anymore.When her first day of Dauntless High rolls around, she's sure she'll hate it. But who is the mysterious student with the dark blue eyes, and why does he draw her in? She refuses to let herself feel anything for him, but that may not last long. AU
1. prologue

**This is my version of the modern day Divergent high school thing. I know that there's a lot of them out there but I wanted to write my own.**

**I'm in the process of rewriting this story, so bear with me. Enjoy!**

I rest my head on my knees as our old, rattling car, filled with people and packages, pulls out of our driveway and away from the only home I've ever known.

Exactly one month ago, my father announced that we would be moving to Delphi, a tiny town just outside of Chicago. Caleb was excited, saying that the Chicago area would give him "great opportunities."

And me?

I locked myself in my room and cried for a day. I told my father that I hated him and I wasn't going, that he and the rest of the family could move to China for all I cared, I would die if I left St. Louis.

It was no use. In fact, I think I made him more determined to go.

And now, that awful day is finally here.

Yesterday I said goodbye to Susan and Robert, my best friends since kindergarten. I had started dating Robert only a few months ago, and it was hard, so hard, to leave him.

I never thought there would be a last kiss.

Everyone cried, even Caleb, my brilliant older brother who has skipped two grades and thinks only about school. Susan hugged me tightly and told me to come back and visit, and soon tears were dripping onto my favorite gray shirt. But I know better. I won't be coming back. There's nothing left for me now.

"Beatrice, honey, are you all right?" my mother asks. Of course not. But I don't say it. I just pull my dark blue sweatshirt tighter around me and look out the window, watching the rain pour down.

Even the sky is crying for us today.

I pull out my iPod and shove the earbuds in my ears, wanting to block out the sound of rain pounding on the roof, on the windshield, on the ground.

"_Lead me in chains, strip me of shame. __Caress me with pain, _

_'Cause I'm down on my knees and I'm begging you please as you say..."_

This is quickly becoming my favorite song. It matches the hurt and the shades of gray inside me word for word.

"_Don't cry mercy, there's too much pain to come. _

_Don't cry mercy _

_M-E-R-C-Y ..._"

But I cry mercy anyway.

* * *

I stare at my reflection in the mirror as I pull out the knife. I no longer recognize myself. Instead of my usual faded t-shirt and Capri pants I wear a black V-neck shirt and short black shorts, the shortest ones I own. I have lined my eyes with black pencil and put on red lipstick.

If they could see me, Susan and Robert would not know me.

I close my eyes and draw the knife across my wrist.

I do not feel the sharp sting of pain, for I am cold as ice.

_"M-E-R-C-Y..."_

**The song was Mercy by Hurts.**


	2. Chapter 1

**_Love can melt anything in its way, even your heart, just like ice._**

**-Anonymous**

**(Found this online yesterday and thought it summed up the story PERFECTLY.)**

"Get up, Beatrice. First day of school!" my brother yells.

I groan and roll over. "I'm not going. I'm sick."

"No, you're not."

The door to my room opens, and when I open my eyes I see that Caleb stands over me, his arms crossed.

"Get. Up. I am NOT going to be late just because you don't want to go."

I put my pillow over my head. "Go away."

_M-E-R-C-Y..._

I hear Caleb walk away. Is it too much to hope that he's leaving?

It is, apparently. Because five seconds later my iPod starts blasting music.

"_Is our secret safe tonight, and are we out of sight,_

_Or will our world come tumbling down?_

_Will they find our hiding place? Is this our last embrace?_

_Or will the walls start caving in?_"

I sigh and sit up, shaking out my tangled hair.

"Is this emo crazy stuff all you listen to? What about Bach, or something?"

I glare at Caleb. "Muse is not emo. Get out of my room before I claw your face off."

He rolls his eyes. "Yeah, right. And then you'd get grounded for assaulting me. C'mon, aren't you even a little bit excited for your first day of high school?"

"I was until Mom and Dad made us move from St. Louis to Chicago."

"Is that when you became such a little rebel?"

"Pretty much."

"Jesus. Are you on your period or something?" he mutters.

I pick up a stick of eyeliner off my dresser and wave it threateningly at him. "Out. Now."

As soon as Caleb closes the door , I open the door to my bathroom and look in the mirror.

I've changed a lot in the past few months. My hair has gotten a bit darker and I look older than I did, though with my makeup off I still look like a young girl.

I shake my head and climb into the shower.

I dress in my usual outfit: loose black T-shirt, short black shorts, spiked bracelet, and midnight blue eyeliner.

I don't care if the other kids think I'm goth or whatever, and are too afraid to get near me .

That's just how I like it.

Because it hurt too much when I had to leave my home, and Susan and Robert.

I don't want to hurt like that ever again.

So I shoved my favorite gray shirt to the back of the closet, put up walls between me and my parents, and made no effort to make friends or fit in. In fact, I've stayed indoors the whole summer and I'm so pale I could be a vampire.

I must not go through that all over again. I don't need anyone, and that is how it is going to stay.

* * *

I shove my school supplies into my locker, wincing as my fingers scrape the lock. It took me five tries to open the damn thing, and I was so close to just kicking the door in.

I scowl as a large blonde boy brushes against me in what my mother would call an 'unacceptable' way, snickering rudely.

"Oops," he says in a fake high pitched voice, and his buddies, a greasy black haired boy with a lot of piercings and a tall boy with hair the color of an old carrot, laugh.

"Can I help you?" I say, annoyed.

"Look. She's talking!" yells the blonde boy.

"She's hot," says Piercings casually.

I glare at them. "Who asked you?"

"Ooh, she's a fiery one," Carrot Top snickers. "Better watch out, you might get burned!"

These are not people I should be near.

I get my books for my first class, slamming my locker shut. "Excuse me," I say.

They just grin and circle closer.

I have to show that I'm not scared of them. These boys aren't dogs, but the same rules apply. Looking away is submission. Looking them in the eye is a challenge.

I walk right up to the big blonde one and say, " I told you to get out of my way. So get out of my way. Or else it won't be pretty."

He grabs my arm, his other hand lingering near my legs. I want to scream or cry or retch. Instead I drop my books.

"What was that, little girl? I didn't hear you." He tugs me closer, close enough so that I can smell his nasty cologne.

"Oh, for God's sake, Peter. Leave the girl alone."

He whips around. Standing behind us is another boy, leaning casually against a locker. He has short brown hair and dark blue eyes.

"I don't have to do what you say," growls Peter.

The boy raises his eyebrows. "Then I'm sure you won't mind me telling the teacher."

"You wouldn't," says Piercings, looking at me like a hungry wolf. "We'd beat you up so bad you wouldn't even be able to cry for help.

"Yes, Eric," the boy says flatly. "I would."

Peter drops my arm and backs away. I lurch away from him and stumble into a wall, scrambling to collect my things.

All three boys give me a glare. "We'll be watching you, _Stiff,"_ mutters Carrot Top vengefully.

"Thanks," I squeak to the boy with the dark blue eyes, not willing to look at him. "Anytime," he says. "By the way, I'm Tobias. What's your name?"

I almost say Beatrice, but something stops me.

A new place. A new name. I can be remade here.

"Tris," I say firmly.

He grins. "Nice to meet you, Tris."

**The song was The Resistance by Muse. One of my favorites! (And no, muse is not emo.)**


	3. Chapter 2

I sit with my knees hugged to my chest, sketching something in a notebook. I don't know what is wrong with me.

I'm not supposed to need anyone, and yet I couldn't save myself from those freaks. Not only that, but I couldn't even find my own way to the Special Projects room. Tobias had to walk me here.

"I take it you weren't here for orientation?" he had said.

I only nodded. He doesn't need to know that I was in the hospital yet again on orientation night.

_Don't cry mercy_

_M-E-R-C-Y_

_M-E-R-C-Y_

Nobody knows what to do with me anymore.

Although sometimes I am not sure I can keep up my icy illusion. Sometimes, I want more than anything to love and be loved. But I suppress it.

Although it might be nice to have friends again.

I look up to see Tobias watching me with those odd dark blue eyes of his. My breath hitches in my throat. Why is he watching me?

I look around the room, trying to find a distraction.

A boy with brown skin and brown hair leans against a wall.

"Hi, I'm Uriah, I haven't seen you around before. And you are?"

"Tris." I lean back in my chair, trying to appear confident. "Tris Prior."

"Hi," he says again.

I look at him, my face expressionless. "Hi."

"Can I borrow your bracelet sometime?"

I look down at my spiky armband. "Sorry. You're out of luck. Get your own."

He laughs, and says, " damn. I was hoping I could keep it. What's that?" he asks, pointing to my notebook, on which I had drawn a knife, biting into the wrist of a young girl.

He's starting to annoy me. This should shut him up. I raise an eyebrow. "Suicide."

"Well, aren't you a little ray of sunshine?"

I scowl and hold up a scarred wrist. "It's not as simple as it sounds."

Uriah winces. "Damn." It's obvious that I've intimidated him, as was my intent.

I stare out the window. It's true. It's not as simple as it sounds.

I pick up my notebook and turn to the next page, sketching the outline of a wolf. Uriah peers over my shoulder. He doesn't ask any more questions, though.

The bell rings, and Uriah takes the seat in between me and Tobias.

"Ech-hem." The teacher, standing at the front of the room, clears her throat. The class falls silent.

"I am Ms. Wu, but you may call me Tori-"

"We can call you by your first name?" asks a girl.

Tori glares at the offender. "I suggest that you refrain from interrupting in the future, Miss?"

"Christina. Christina Lawrence." She smiles. Christina is pretty in ways I'm not, with shiny hair and smooth brown skin. She seems sure of herself. She is not beaten and broken.

"Now as I was saying, I'm Tori. Please note that my name is not ' hey, teacher.' "

"Hey, Teacher!" yells Uriah. Tobias rolls his eyes, then glances at me.

We look at each other for a moment, his tranquil blue eyes swallowing me whole.

Then I look back down at my notebook and keep sketching.

I don't need anyone.

Especially not this mysterious boy with the dark blue eyes.

I am ice.

_This night has reached its end, we can't pretend, we must run..._

**Thanks so much for the reviews, they make me, so, so happy! ( in fact, I squeal really loudly whenever I get a review and my parents yell at me to tone it down.)**

**Song #1: Mercy by Hurts**

**Song #2: The Resistance by Muse**


	4. Chapter 3

Uriah Dare."

"Here."

"Zeke Dare."

"Not here!" yells the boy behind Uriah. That must be him. He has the same dark skin and hair as Uriah, but that's where the resemblance stops. Zeke is a couple inches taller, with straighter, longer hair and a small scar under his right eye.

"Tobias Eaton," the teacher says, but he interrupts.

"I go by Four."

"Very well, _Four,"_ Tori says to him. He leans back in his chair, unperturbed.

Tori continues down the list, and slowly the strange faces have names put to them.

I no longer feel so lost.

"Beatrice Prior." A girl with a bulbous nose turns to another girl, whispering in her ear. They snicker.

"My name is Tris." My voice, calm and clear, rings through the room. I glare at the girls, and they instantly stop laughing.

Maybe here, I can become someone.

"Molly Atwood."

The girl with the bulbous nose smiles sickeningly. "Here," she says in a too perky voice.

Tobias snorts, and I give him a light smile. I'm not the only one annoyed by the girls.

"Alright. So." Tori gives the class her best no-nonsense look and everyone shuts up.

"Our first project of the year will be about fear. We will be learning about what causes fear, facing fears, and the difference between brave and fearless, among other things."

Tori pulls a piece of notebook paper out from her pocket.

"I have divided the class up into pairs-"

"Wait." Molly looks confused. "You mean we don't get to choose our groups?"

"THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I MEAN!" Tori roars, scaring the hell out of almost every member of the class.

I don't even jump. I just sit there.

_You trick your lovers that you're wicked and divine_

"There is to be no complaining, no trading, no booing. That said, here are the group's."

Everyone holds their breath.

"Uriah and Marlene."

Uriah mouths, 'yes' and pumps his fist, then walks over to join Marlene, a girl with short hair dyed the color of blood and streaked with blonde. Marlene gives him a sizzling glare.

"Zeke and Shauna. Molly and Peter."

Peter says something to Molly, and they both glance venomously in my direction.

_I want to reconcile the violence in your heart,_

_I want to recognize your beauty's not just a mask_

"Tris and Four."

Tobias. I'm paired with Tobias.

Probably the only person in this school (besides Caleb) who even halfway cares what happens to me.

"Hey," he says, moving closer to me.

I stare at the wall.

"Tris?" he says tentatively.

I don't move.

"Okay, you may not appreciate it, but I don't think there's anything wrong with getting a little help!"

I whirl around, ready to deliver some serious verbal hurt, but all I end up doing is drowning in those dark blue eyes.

_It's cold and loveless, I won't let you be denied_

I look down and mutter something like, "why don't we start the project?"

The project is to research and present an article about one type of phobia.

"So, what phobia do you want to use?" Tobias asks, scanning the list that Tori gave us.

"altophobia." I say, not even bothering to glance at the paper.

"What's altophobia?" He raises his eyebrows.

"Fear of heights."

Four shakes his head. "How do you know this stuff?"

"My brother was researching phobias a while ago. For fun. He wouldn't shut up about it."

"Really?"

I nod. "He's a genius. He's skipped two grades and his entire life is about school. Obviously he's my parents' favorite."

Tobias smiles, but then a shadow crosses his face, some dark memory he doesn't want to think about. "Are they nice?"

"Who?"

"Your parents."

"Oh." I consider this for a moment. "Nice enough, I suppose."

He stares out the window, a moody twist to his mouth.

"So." he says eventually. "How exactly to you want to do this?"

I wonder what he's thinking about. What could make him look so miserable?

_I know you've suffered but I don't want you to hide..._

**The song is Undisclosed Desires by Muse.**


	5. Chapter 4

I pull out my iPod as I walk into the cafeteria, my shoulders hunched. I am tired, and I don't want to talk to anyone else right now or try to make friends. So I plug my earbuds in and try not to be noticed.

"S_he spreads her wings when she's gonna fly, the crow_

_If you make her sing when she's coming she will let you know…_"

"Yo! Tris! Over here!" shouts Uriah.

Crud.

I slowly make my way over to the table, at which is seated Uriah, Marlene, Christina, Zeke, Tobias, and a boy I don't know.

I sit down next to Tobias without looking at him and pick at my nails. I will not talk. If I don't talk, then maybe they will stop trying to make friends.

I don't want to make friends.

"What about you, Tris?" Uriah asks, breaking my train of thought.

"What?" I say, confused.

"What kind of music do you like?"

I yank my earbuds out of my ears and hand my iPod to Uriah. He turns the volume up all the way and the music blasts out of the earbuds.

"_a_ _frozen hand takes your breath away, As she leads your soul through the dark_

_You know that she came to break your heart, But oh when she moves you fall in love again ..."_

Uriah jumps back, startled.

I look over at him. "What? You don't like it?" I say in a monotone voice.

He shakes his head. "It's just a bit... darker than I expected, coming from a girl."

"Get used to it," I say in the same deadpan voice.

I zone out again as they continue to talk. They make no effort to include me in their conversation, and I don't jump in. I just sit and trace the scars on my arm with my fingers.

"Did you even bring a lunch?" asks Christina.

"No," I say. "Not hungry."

"You know, it isn't logical to skip meals-" the strange boy starts, reminding me of Caleb.

"Shut up, Will," Christina says. "Here, you can have my fruit bar."

I don't touch the brightly packaged bar that she passes to me. instead I examine my scars and listen to the music.

"_She spreads her wings when she's gonna fly, the crow..."_

* * *

When I get home, I race to my room and flop on the bed, unwilling to do anything more.

Okay, so there are nice people at school.

But do they actually want me as a friend, or do they just feel sorry for me?

My musings are interrupted by my brother.

"I'm home," he yells to a seemingly empty house.

"So am I," I yell back.

"Damn. You beat me. Again." Caleb charges up the stairs. "Just like you always did back home."

"Yeah, well, I beat you this time because I wasn't wasting time talking to people."

He sits down next to me. "You know, it wouldn't kill you to actually make some friends."

"I don't want friends." I scowl at the floor.

"Tris, it'll make things a lot easier. "

"I just..." I think of home, and my eyes sting, tears threatening to spill over my lashes. "I just want to be alone."

"Alright then. Have it your way." Caleb leaves the room, slamming the door behind him.

As soon as he is gone, I slide a photo of Robert and Susan out from under my pillow, tracing the lines of their faces with a fingertip.

What happened to the girl with the gray shirt, the girl who biked to the park with them and grew up with them? Who first kissed Robert that night in the park, who called the ambulance when Susan broke her arm?

She's not completely gone. She's still in their somewhere, battling with the emotional yet cold-as-ice girl that I see in the mirror on my wall.

Which one is me?

**The song was "The Crow" by Hurts.**


	6. Chapter 5

"Tris, phone's for you!"

Who would be calling me, especially at this late hour?

"Go away."

Caleb appears at my door, holding my cell phone in his hand. "It's a boy."

What the...?

I snatch the phone out of his hand and hold it to my ear. " This better be good."

"Hey, Tris." It's Tobias.

"Hi." I scowl at the wall. I don't want to talk. I don't want to do anything but scream. Or run. Or maybe jump out the window.

"What did you want to talk to me about? And how did you get my number?" I demand.

"I stole your phone at lunch. I wanted to talk about the project."

"What about the project?"

"Are you free tomorrow?"

Wait. What? Why is asking this?

"I was thinking we could go to the Sears Tower. Take some pictures. You feel me?"

I nod, and close my eyes as I realize he can't see me. "Yes."

"Does four o'clock work?"

"Sure. Whatever."

"Four! Get the hell down here!" I hear someone yell in the background. "This shit won't take care of itself."

I wince. "See you tomorrow."

He sighs. "Count on it. Yes, I'm coming, dad!" he yells to someone in the background.

"Bye, Tris."

"Bye, Tobias."

I hear a click, and the phone goes dead.

But I stay up in my room for a long time, turning the phone over and over in my hands. I feel so...disconnected.

_It could be wrong, could be wrong, but it should have been right_

_It could be wrong, could be wrong, to let our hearts ignite_

Was Tobias's father the reason he asked about my parents? From the sound of it, Mr. Eaton isn't a very nice man. I wish, for a moment, that I could help him.

Maybe he'll tell me about it someday.

* * *

Tobias appears at school with a big bruise over his left eye. I look at him longer than necessary, concerned, but he just shakes his head.

"It's not important," he says when I ask how it happened.

But I don't think that's true, because even though they don't say anything I see Christina and Uriah exchange a glance.

What is happening to this mysterious boy?

_I know you've suffered but I don't want you to hide_

"Tobias," I say. "Tell me."

He shakes his head. "I tripped. And don't call me Tobias. My name is Four."

This is not the truth. I turn and stare out the window, at the rain falling from the sky.

Sometimes you just have to live and let live. I touch the scars that I associate with confusion and close my eyes against the bruises and the bright lights.

"Come on, then, Four," I say. "The bell's about to ring."

**The songs are The Resistance and Undisclosed Desires, both by Muse.**


	7. Chapter 6

I'm sitting on the couch thinking about nothing and everything when Tobias- Four -arrives.

For some reason I can't explain, the thought of going into the city with him makes me happy. Well, not happy, exactly, but better than I've felt in months.

He gives me a strange look when I step into his rusty old truck.

"What?"

"Nothing," he replies, his eyes still on me.

We stay there like that for a moment, staring at each other.

Then, without a word, he starts the truck and we drive into the city.

We are silent in the truck as well, with me staring out the window and him looking at the road.

At last, he says quietly, "Lauren told me how well you sang in band class today."

I thought nobody heard me. I was singing quietly to myself as I put my instrument away, but the band room is usually so loud I wasn't worrying about being overheard.

I look sideways at him. "Who's Lauren?"

"A friend," he says, without elaborating.

_Oh._ There is a Lauren in the marching band, she plays flute and sits next to me. She is quiet like Four, with dark skin like Christina and long, braided hair.

I lean my head against the window and watch him.

He looks at me, his dark eyes locking on mine. "Could you..."

"Could I what?"

"Could you maybe sing for me?"

"I think that's doable."

I take a deep breath. In. Out.

I start out softly, quietly, not wanting to embarrass myself. "I'm coming home, I'm coming home, tell the world I'm coming home."

Four smiles and joins in. "Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday."

I shut my eyes, listening to the sound of our quiet voices combining, blending. " I know my kingdom awaits,and they've forgiven my mistakes..."

I smile even wider as I finish the song. "I'm coming home, coming home. Tell the world I'm coming home."

And for just a moment, I feel it. Happiness.

We park in front of the building, and I can't help looking up. It is huge. I can barely see the top of it from where I stand, in the rain, tilting my head upwards.

Four gently grabs my wrist and pulls me inside, watching me as I purchase our tickets and lead the way to the elevator.

He bites his lip as the elevator ascends, passing fifty, now sixty floors.

"What is it?" I ask him quietly.

He looks down at the ground. "I'm, um, I'm afraid of heights. And small, cramped spaces."

I roll my eyes. "Who would have thought?"

He glares at me. "It's not funny."

"Then why did you agree to do this if you're afraid of heights?"

He looks up at me. "I ignore my fear. When I make decisions I pretend it doesn't exist."

I have no idea what to say to that.

The elevator stops, and as we spill out onto the floor, I realize that there is a difference between not being afraid and acting in spite of fear.

And to me, acting in spite of fear is much braver.

Four stands next to me, surveying the room. "So where do we start?"

I think for a minute. "How about those glass ledge thingies?"

He pales, and I say quickly, "I'll take the pictures. You can stay by the wall if you want."

He shakes his head. "No. I have to do this. I'll take the pictures."

"Okay then. Ready?"

He nods, and we walk over to the glass box.

As soon as we step onto the glass, he tenses.

"Ah. This is bad. This is really bad. This is not what I was expecting..."

I reach out and take his hand. "Hey. It's alright. Just don't look down."

I can hear his breath, coming in quick, panicked bursts.

I am reassuring myself just as much as him, because when I look down, I see straight down to the ground, hundreds of feet below.

If the glass breaks, we will fall to our deaths.

But it won't break.

I hope.

Four quickly takes the pictures and leaves the box as fast as possible. I can't say I blame him. But there is something about the height that mesmerizes me, up high and higher until I'm on the same level as the birds, so I don't leave until a very impatient Four says, "come on, Tris."

"Okay, okay. I'm coming. God."

He doesn't breathe normally even as we step out of the elevator and onto the ground floor.

He doesn't breathe right, in fact, until we're back at my house.


	8. Chapter 7

When I arrive back at my house, Caleb is just about to leave for work.

"Hey, Tris. Would you mind running to the store to get bread and pasta? I'd do it myself but I'm going to be late."

"All right," I say, turning to Four. "See you tomorrow, Four."

He nods. "Bye."

My eyes follow him all the way back to his beat-up truck.

Five minutes later, I walk along the city sidewalk, thinking about the project, barely aware that there's almost nobody around.

At least, until the three boys walk up to me, grinning in a way I don't like.

I dimly recognize Peter, Eric, and Drew (aka Carrot Top) from school, but I certainly don't want them around now.

Because they look like they mean business.

"Hey, look, it's Stiff," Eric yells.

""Hey, Stiff," Peter says, circling around me.

I turn to go, but Drew moves to block my way.

"We're gonna have some fun," Piercings says, coming closer.

I back away from him. Right into Drew's arms.

He grabs me, holding me still. I scream as loud as is humanly possible.

But it's no use. There's nobody else around and anyway Drew covers my mouth with his hand. I bite down hard, smiling as I taste blood.

"Ow!" he cries.

"Shut up and keep her quiet," says Peter.

"Well, how about it, Stiff? Do you want to have some fun? Huh?" I tense as Peter's hand brushes across my thighs, lingering near the place that I would not allow anyone to touch.

I close my eyes. Please don't let this happen. Please please please please please please please please please please...

And suddenly Peter is pulled off of me by a strange force, and Drew drops me to the ground. I am unable to do anything but lie there, dizzy, as I hear the sounds of a fight.

Finally a rough voice says, "go pick on somebody your own size."

I know that voice.

The three boys need no urging. I hear the sound of heavy footsteps as they turn tail and run.

Good.

I focus on the face of my rescuer. He has close cropped brown hair and dark blue eyes.

It's Four.

I whisper his name, and he picks me up, putting an arm around my shoulders, easing the other one under my knees.

The world goes black as he carries me towards his parked car.

* * *

I wake up in a bright white room that smells of antiseptic.

Four leans over me, his tense muscles relaxing as he sees that I'm awake.

"How...how long was I out?" My voice sounds rusty.

"Bout a half hour. Not to long. But you scared me to death."

"How did you find me?"

I was coming back from work, I heard a scream, and pulled over, and I saw them... but anyway, I beat them up pretty badly. They won't be coming after you anytime soon."

"Good." My hand clenches his wrist, and for a moment all I can think about is those dark blue eyes.

"Your parents should be here soon to pick you up. The doctor thinks you have post traumatic stress disorder or something along the lines of that."

My parents? This is not good.

"Ah, crud. I'm never gonna be able to go anywhere alone again."

We both look up as the doctor walks in. "Hello, I'm Dr. Stratton," she says, smiling at me. "How do you feel, Beatrice?"

"Uhm..." a voice comes into my head. _Tell the truth._ "I feel like crud."

The doctor smiles again. "Well, you don't seem to have concussion. I'm going to ask your parents to call the hospital if you start behaving strangely or having flashbacks, because you may have post traumatic stress disorder."

"Oh. Okay then."

"Here they are now," Dr. Stratton says as they walk in the door.

"Beatrice Prior..." my dad says. "You are in the doghouse, young lady."


	9. Chapter 8

**here's the rewrite of Ch. 8, sorry this wasn't out sooner but my parents were absolutely evil today. I just want to run. Or explode. Or maybe burst into flames.**

**For those who asked, post traumatic stress disorder is a mental disorder affecting people who have experienced a traumatic event, such as war, torture, murder,etc. The symptoms include nightmares, flashbacks, forgetfulness, and social withdrawal. ( I did a project on it for Communication Arts class)**

"Ohmygod," Christina gasps as I walk into school the next day with a black eye and a note from the doctor. "Girl, what happened to you?"

I look at the floor. "I was walking home from the store, and it was dark, and Peter and Drew and Eric... attacked me."

"Ohmydearsweetlord.. That's really bad, Tris."

"Yeah. If Four hadn't been in the area and heard me scream, I don't know what would have happened."

"Damn," says Uriah. "Are you okay?"

"Not really." I look up just as Four enters the hallway.

"Hey, Tris."

"Hey."

He touches my bruised cheek with just his fingertip. "Not bad. How's the head?"

"Still hurts." My stomach does, too, but I have no idea why. It was fine a second ago.

"Sucks. What did your parents have to say about it?"

"At first they were mad, but when I told them what really happened, they were fine about it. They didn't even ground me."

Four starts to say something else, but he must've heard something, because his head whips around. Sure enough, Eric, Peter, and Drew are standing at the other end of the hallway, grinning cruelly. Shit.

"Why don't we head to class?" Four asks quietly.

"Yeah. Good idea."

I glance over at them again. They are heading towards us.

I turn in the direction of the Special Projects classroom, shuddering as I remember last night's horrors.

"Hey. It's alright. " Four looks at me intently. "I won't let them near you ever again."

I look down at the floor. I am weak. I am too weak.

"Where's Zeke?" I ask Uriah when we get to the Special Projects room.

He and Marlene glance at each other, and then he looks down at the ground.

"Zeke's um... in the hospital," Uriah mutters .

"What?" I say. "Why?"

"He has brain cancer," Marlene says quietly. "He probably only has a few years left to live."

"Oh." I can feel myself turning red. "Oh. Um, sorry. I didn't mean to..."

"It's fine," says Uriah. "Maybe we could all go visit him after school."

"Alright then," Four says smoothly, covering for me.

I don't want to talk about dying anymore. It makes me scared, thinking of my own suicidal impulses. I am afraid of myself.

There's a monster inside me. I know it, it consumes me. Sometimes it just screams and screams until I feel like I'm about to explode, shattering into a million pieces. Sometimes it tenses me so I can't breathe, can't speak of my own volition. I have no idea how to get rid of it.

It scares me, because it screams for me to hurt the ones I love.

_Fill me with rage_

_And bleed me dry_

_M-E-R-C-Y_


	10. Chapter 9

I wake with a start in the middle of the night, looking around wildly for an invisible attacker.

My room seemed huge when we first moved in, but now it's too small, trapping and confining me within its walls. Almost like a cage.

I have to get out.

I throw on some jeans, a T-shirt, and a black sweatshirt and quietly creep down, past Caleb's and my parents' rooms, out the door.

I have no idea where I'm headed at this hour of the night. I should go back to sleep, burrow under the covers, because it was just a dream.

Instead, I tuck a knife in my pocket.

I open the door just wide enough for me to slip out, locking it securely behind me. I walk towards the park at the end of the street, and when I realize that nobody's around to see me, I break into a run.

Fast and silent, I run down the sidewalk, past the dark houses and into the small stretch of woods in the park. That's where I stop, all alone, panting heavily.

That's where I first get the sensation that I'm being watched.

I whirl around, probing the darkness of the forest. When I see nothing, I begin to relax. It's just me and the night.

"You sure you should be walking around at night on your own?"

The low voice startles me so much I jump practically five feet in the air. It takes me a moment to place it.

"Damn you, Four," I say, glaring as he steps out of the shadows. "You scared me to death."

He gives me a playful smile. "No, really. Why are you here?"

"I couldn't sleep," I mutter, kicking at the dirt. "And what about you?"

He looks pained. "I had to get away."

"From what?"

He doesn't answer my question. He just stares into the heavy forest blackness. It must have something to do with his father.

"Four. What's wrong?"

He shrugs. "Tired of drama, and just life in general I guess."

"Yeah. Me too."

We are silent for so long after that, I feel like I have to say something.

"Is there something bad going on with you?"

"Why do you ask?"

"I want to know."

He smiles again. "How demanding you are."

He comes closer and I take his hand. His fingers slide between mine. I can't breathe.

"my father hates me. He beats me and locks me in the tiny closet upstairs.

He leans even closer, so that we are breathing the same air. "Tris, I..."

And then, gently, slowly, he presses his lips to my own.

I am to shocked to do anything but stand there until he pulls away.

"I had to do that at least once."

And then he's gone.

I don't understand any of this. But I slowly make my way home, where I sleep without nightmares. I sleep without dreams.

_I want to reconcile the undisclosed desires in your heart_


	11. Chapter 10

Four doesn't say anything about the kiss at school the next day, which makes me suspect that I might have dreamed it. But even though I never wanted it, or asked for it, it fills every waking thought like an itch that just won't go away. Several times over the course of the morning, I have to ask to get a drink, but I usually find myself leaning against the wall, telling myself to pull it together.

I don't know what to say to Four anymore. The silences between us today are often uncomfortable. Several times I have lifted my head to find him watching me, his expression unreadable.

I don't know why that doesn't bother me. It should.

I am unusually distracted, and when Four leans over me to look at a math problem or ask me something, I find it hard to breathe right.

During lunch, I don't want to sit with everyone else. Zeke is absent again and Christina has an uncanny knack for knowing when something's wrong. Instead I wander the hallways, looking for nothing and everything.

"Girl, what is with you today?" Christina demands of me during English, my last class of the day, which I despise, partly because Four isn't in it. I also see no point in learning the parts of a sentence, and the teacher, Mrs. Matthews, watches me like a hawk.

I do not think I like Mrs. Matthews.

"Um... I'll tell you later," I mutter. There's no way I'm going to discuss my love life with Christina while Molly sits next to us.

"Beatrice, did you hear me?"

The cold, sharp voice snaps me out of my reverie.

"I asked you to read page fifteen of The Grapes of Wrath. You may see me after class." Peter and Molly snicker.

With shaking hands, I do as she says.

_In the,echoing silence I shiver each time that you say_

_M-E-R-C-Y_

After the bell rings, Mrs. Matthews beckons me over to her desk.

"Beatrice-" _DON'T call me that,_ I think -" you have been unusually preoccupied today. Would you care to explain why?"

_Because Four kissed me last night and I think I might be falling for him_. But I don't say that. What I do say is, " no".

Mrs. Matthews purses her lips. "Beatrice, you are a very bright young girl. I believe you can accomplish great things, if only you would let me help you."

Her voice is icy, sharp, almost like a knife. I do not trust her, not one little bit.

"No," I say. "I can decide for myself. I don't want your help. I'm going to leave now."

Then I shoulder my bookbag and leave without being excused.

_M-E-R-C-Y_

The cold voice haunts me all the way home.


	12. Chapter 11

"Tris, are you okay making dinner on your own tonight?" my brother asks me as I walk through the door. Then he does a double take, noticing my dark clothing and black eyeliner. "Please don't tell me you dress like that every day."

I nod. "Yeah. Why?"

"Mom and Dad called to say they'd be working late, and I'm going to dinner with Cara."

This is not unusual. My mother runs a volunteer agency and my father works for a big company. But Caleb? Having dinner with a girl?

"Who's Cara?" I ask him.

He flushes just a tiny bit red. "I met her at school. She's skipped a few grades, too, and we have a lot in common. She has a brother, Will. He's in your grade."

I know Will, he's friends with Uriah and Christina, and he reminds me of Caleb. If Cara is anything like Will, I can see why Caleb would like her.

"That's sweet. Don't stay out too late." I nudge his shoulder. Sometimes it's hard to remember that my brother is only eleven months older than I am.

He glares at me. "Of course not. I need to study for first semester exams."

I roll my eyes. "Oh my God, Caleb. School just started. Exams are three months away. Lighten up!"

"It's never too early. I can help you study, if you want," he says, with typical Caleb seriousness.

"No, thanks. I'm fine." I brush past him and head up the stairs. "Oh, and yes, I dress like this every day," I yell over my shoulder.

I shut the door to my room and flop down on my bed. It's been an exhausting day, due to Christina's makeover attempts during our free period, Mrs. Matthews, and the whole thing with Four.

I hug my pillow to my chest and close my eyes, not bothering to kick off my shoes. Before I know it, I am asleep.

As soon as I open my eyes, I know it's much later. I hear the rumbling of thunder and see a flash of light through my curtains.

It was exactly 3:20 when I reached my house. The clock reads 6:59.

I drag myself out of bed and practically fall down the stairs. I'm so hungry I can't think.

I grab a tortilla out of the freezer and put it in the microwave, wincing when my finger gets caught in the freezer door. I am warming some peas over the stove when I hear the knock.

I walk into the living room and stand on tiptoe to peer through the small window at the top of the door. Four's bruised, bleeding face stares back at me.

I let him in immediately.

"Oh my God, Four. What happened?"

He collapses on the couch. "My father happened."

He is a mess. Blood trickles from his nose, and one of his eyes is already black. He is breathing heavily, as if he ran too far too fast. And maybe he did.

_M-E-R-C-Y_

This is horrible. Another human being, who did not have the excuse of disease, mutation, or anything else, did this to him.

"I'll get you some ice," I hear myself say. I walk into the kitchen, grabbing a towel and wrapping the ice cubes into it without thinking.

I can only think of two things.

What did Four do to deserve such a punishment?

And why did he come _here_ of all places?

I hand him the ice, watching as he presses it to his bruised face.

"Thank you," he says. "That's much better."

I shake my head. "This is horrible. Wrong. You have to do something. Got to the police, or call the national child abuse hotline. Something."

He crosses his arms and glares at me through shadowed eyes. "I can deal with this on my own. I don't need help."

"Obviously, you do!" I shout. "If you could deal with it on your own, you wouldn't be here. I hate seeing you hurt like this. If you won't take care of it, then I'll call the police myself, so help me God!"

We stare at each other for a moment, his dark eyes boring into my icy blue ones.

Then he drops his head.

"You know," he says, "maybe you're right."


	13. Chapter 12

**Sorry if this chapter sucks, I wrote it during my marching band competition today (yay, fourth place in our division- out of four bands. It's not our fault that we only have five horn players, though, including me, the only clarinet), and I am exhausted because I had to get up at 6:00 am, and writing on a bus with a bunch of boys all hyped up on caffeine and sugar isn't easy...**

I gently sponge the blood off his chest, acting as though I don't hear the tiny sounds of pain he makes.

I stop, a couple times, and observe the look in his dark blue eyes, the kind that scares me yet draws me closer.

"Why here?" I ask. "Why not Uriah's house or Will's house?"

"I didn't want to bother Uriah because of the whole thing with Zeke," he replies, wincing as the rough cloth scrapes over a tender bruise, "and Will's sister asks too many questions."

So does Caleb.

Crap.

Forgot about him.

If he comes home and finds me here with a boy...

But he won't.

I wash the cloth clean of blood and apply salve to Four's cuts.

"One more question."

He looks up for a second, straightening from the bent, broken position he has been in ever since he admitted that he needed help.

"Why Four?"

He shrugs. "It's my football number."

He doesn't meet my eyes as he pulls his shirt back over his head.

I examine my hands, wiping off the trail of blood reaching from my wrist to my thumb.

_M-E-R-C-Y_

"Are you hungry?" I ask, breaking the silence that covers us like a blanket. He nods, and I pull the peas off of the stove and re-heat the tortilla, popping another one in the microwave as well.

We eat in quiet stillness.

There is a deep, strange part of me, a part that I guard carefully, that begs to run my fingers through his short, bristly hair, and touch the dark stubble lining his jaw, and press my lips to his.

This is a part that begs for release.

_Hold me_

I turn away from his blue eyes. He is not for me. He is probably happy with some other girl, Lauren maybe. I am not supposed to be attached to him.

I still dream about that kiss.

The sound of a car door slamming startles me out of my daze. I peer out the window and see Caleb waving goodbye to Cara ( I snicker in spite of myself when I realize that she must've picked him up and driven him home because Caleb has no car).

"Shit, shit, shit," I mutter, racing back to Four.

"My brother's home," I inform him. "Can you go out the back door? He'll kill me if he finds out that I..."

I stutter to a halt when I see the look in his eyes. I struggle to breathe, because a stone is weighted in my chest.

"Sure," he says, his voice low and rumbling and...

No. I toss my head to clear it of such thoughts. I should not be thinking about him.

I am thinking about him.

I grab his hand, so large it is almost twice the size of my own, and pull him into the kitchen.

"Good luck," I say. "With your dad, I mean."

For a second I think he's going to kiss me, but then he pulls away and opens the door.

"Thanks, Tris."

He leaves without looking back, though there is still a trace of his scent in the air, on my clothes.

_Our lips must always be sealed_

Literally the second the door closes Caleb walks into the kitchen.

"Who were you talking to just now? And why are there two plates on the table?" he demands.

"I was, um, talking to myself. And I used a second plate for the peas." I hope that my smile is convincing.

It seems to be, because he turns away and begins to remove his tie.

I breathe a sigh of relief, but when I go to bed, I sleep in the shirt that carries the scent of him.

**Okay,** **my crazy bandmates are trying to read this over my shoulder, so I'm going now.**

**(This was posted much later than when it was typed, I couldn't get WiFi out in the middle of nowhere)**


	14. Chapter 13

**Just finished a 5k color run and I feel like CRUD (happiest 5k on the planet, my eye.). So here it comes. The next chapter.**

I roll down the window of Christina's car and let the wind whip through my hair.

I feel uncomfortable, as I'm squeezed into the backseat with Four, Uriah, and Shauna, listening to a popular radio station, on the way to the hospital to visit a sick boy that I don't know very well.

" _There's an "S" under my clothes, On my chest where nobody else can see_

_ I light up when the doors are closed I am free, yeah"_

Not to mention sitting this close to Four is making me dizzy.

It was never quite like this with Robert, none of the uncertainty, none of this awareness that courses through me with a strange sweetness.

I should not be comparing Four to Robert.

I close my eyes and focus on the music instead.

_"I'm a badass jumping off the moving train, I'm a Jane Bond, putting all the guys to shame _

_I'm a wild card, and I'm gonna steal your game _

_You better watch out, I'm a fire starter_"

I gasp as the car swerves, sending me crashing into Four.

He puts his hand on my back, gently restoring my balance. I feel the ghost of where his hand was when he takes it away, and I can't breathe.

"_I'm a fire starter, I'm a sweet disaster. I melt hearts like water"_ Christina yells, singing along with the radio.

I roll my eyes, but I'm smiling.

"No, you don't," says Will, and Christina raises her eyebrows at him.

"Admit it, Will. You think I'm hot."

He shakes his head. "No. I don't."

"Yes you do. I heard you say as much to Four the other day."

Will turns bright red and mutters something incoherent. Christina grins.

"Awwww, thanks. That's sweet of you."

I can't help it. I'm laughing.

Everyone is more sober as we park the car in the hospital parking lot and walk into the lobby.

The still whiteness and the smell of antiseptic overwhelms me. It reminds me of all the times over the summer that I was placed here for not eating, or slicing a line through my wrist, and the time I got attacked and Four rescued me...

I am barely paying attention as Christina and the rest head over to the elevator.

"Tris?" Four says. "You coming?"

When I make no sound, he walks over to me and grabs my shoulder, guiding me to where his friends wait.

"It's the smell," I say softly. "It brings back some really bad memories."

Four nods, and bends down so that he's at eye level with me. "All of that's over now. It's okay. You're okay. You feel me?"

I nod.

"Let's go. Zeke is waiting."

When we push open the door to Zeke's room, we find him flirting with a nurse as she gives him an injection of some sort.

"Hey, guys," he says when he sees us.

Shauna fakes a glare. "You aren't cheating on your girlfriend, are you?"

Zeke grins. "Never."

I look away as they share a kiss.

"So what's the news?" he asks us, his eyes bright and extremely cheerful for someone so sick. And he is sick. He has tubes in his arms and he is connected to a bunch of machines.

"Well, Will here has the hots for Christina-" Uriah says as Will flushes bright red and Christina smirks.

"So why don't you two make out and get it over with already?"

In two strides, Christina crosses the room and kisses Will right on the mouth.

I wish that was Four and me. I do not want it to be Four and me.

"So what's new with you, Tris?"

"I got attacked by a group of guys, got sent to the hospital, and I'm scarred for life."

"Four's not having a very good week either," says Uriah. We are all quiet for a moment.

"I, um. I called the police about it," he says. "Last night. I'm moving into my own apartment soon."

"Let's have a party!" Christina squeals.

"Yeah, the doc says I'll be out of the hospital by next week," Zeke says.

"That's good," I say. "School isn't the same without you."

Is it my imagination or is Four looking a bit jealous?

"Don't I know it," says Zeke, and suddenly we are all smiling.

**Song was Fire Starter by Demi Lovato. This song is what I think Christina would choose for herself. My friend thepandagirl16 and I were listening to this yesterday and it just screamed Divergent! _I'm a badass jumping off a moving train..._**


	15. Chapter 14

**Sorry this was out so late, but marching band is half my life now, and high school homework is the other half. Not to mention my very confusing love life (just don't ask).**

**Anyway.**

**(Disclaimer: I will own Divergent when Caleb fails calculus.)**

_"She's an extraordinary girl in an ordinary world, and she can't seem to get away..."_

I sing with my earbuds as I pack up my instrument and leave the band room. I desperately need a shower since we spent most of the period working on basic marching techniques, i.e. walking around the track trying to stay in step.

"_She's all alone again, wiping the tears from her eyes. Some days he feels like dying. She gets so sick of crying._"

"Tris. Wait."

I turn around and face Four.

"You coming tonight?"

I'm assuming he means the party that Christina's throwing in honor of his escaping his father.

I was planning to stay home and do homework. I'm not much of a party person. I don't like loud music and crowds of people, and the one time I have had alcohol, the taste made me gag.

But something about the look in his eyes makes me want to change my mind.

"Maybe," I tell him. Then I push open the door and walk out. Those dark blue eyes have a hold on me, making it hard to escape.

" _She's all alone again, wiping the tears from her eyes. Some days he feels like dying, some days it's not worth trying, now that they both are finding. She gets so sick of crying..._"

I yank my earbuds out, take a deep breath, and dial the number Christina scrawled on my hand the other day. I hope I won't regret this.

* * *

An hour later, I sit on Christina's bed as she rummages around in her closet, trying to find me something to wear to the party.

"This would look great on you, Tris," she says, holding up a black V-neck dress.

I shake my head. "I don't think so."

"At least give it a try."

"Fine."

I change in her bathroom, then observe myself in the full length mirror on her wall.

The skirt isn't full, but it doesn't stick to my thighs, either. I remove the tie from my hair and watch it fall in waves around my shoulders.

I look different. Older. Goose bumps appear on my arms.

Christina takes out a stick of eyeliner. "Come here."

"You're not going to be able to make me pretty, you know."

She rolls her eyes. "Who cares about pretty? I'm going for noticeable."

And she's right. When she's through with me, my face is noticeable.

"Thank you," I say softly.

"No prob. C'mon, let's find you some shoes."

* * *

At exactly 8:00, we pull up to Four's new apartment in Christina's cherry red VW Beetle, 'fashionably late' as she calls it, since the party started at 7.

I hear the shouts and laughter of many people, and the throbbing pulse of music. A wave of nausea washes over me.

"Christina, I think I'm going to be sick," I say weakly, leaning against the car for support.

She rolls her eyes. "No, you're not. You'll be fine, I promise. Don't you want to see _ Four?"_ Christina smirks, knowing that there's no way I'm missing this.

"Alright. I'm coming." I wobble up to the door in the three inch heels Christina put me in, take a deep breath, and open the door.

"Hey, hey, you're here!" Zeke yells. "Wasn't sure you'd show."

"Where's Four?" I ask.

"I think he went in there," Zeke says, jerking his thumb in the direction of a short hallway.

I walk down the length of the corridor. At the end, I see a door, cracked open, light spilling through. I cautiously ease it fully open.

The room holds only an unmade bed and a desk, but these are the things I barely notice.

What I do notice is that Four is pressed up against the wall by a girl in a slutty red dress, whom I recognize as Lauren.

Their lips are pressed together, their legs tangled.

My eyes open wide with shock.

Just then, they come up for air and Four spots me, frozen in the doorway.

"Tris?"

It breaks the spell.

I run, heedless of the music and people and the shoes that threaten to twist my ankle.

I push past a tipsy Uriah and a shocked Christina and out the door, not caring that one of my shoes has come off. I pause, yanking off the other heel.

A sob starts in my gut and wrenches its way past my lips.

He doesn't love me. He never loved me. I was just a plaything, a toy to be thrown away once I have outlived my use.

I run to the end of his street and sit underneath the streetlamp, sniffling.

No more of this. The secrets end tonight.

I do not care. I don't.

I am ice.

_M-E-R-C-Y_

"Tris?"

I startle, pretending I am surprised. But I knew he would come. I would know his voice anywhere, and even after all this it awakens deep, dangerous things inside me.

This is the voice of Tobias Eaton.

**Oooh, cliffy. Well, goodnight. Hopefully the next chapter will be out tomorrow. Oh, and I moved my blog to tumblr (divergemeagain. tumblr .com)**

**The song was Extraordinary Girl by Green Day.**


	16. Chapter 15

**Here's the next chapter, as promised:**

"Leave me alone," I snarl at Four, glaring through my tears.

"Look, Tris, I can explain-" he starts, his dark blue eyes pleading.

"There's no need. I know _exactly_ how it is. You led me on, making me think you liked me- you _kissed_ me- and the whole time, you were just playing with me. You were with HER!"

"It's not like that. She came onto me, I swear-"

"Then why were you kissing her back?"

He crosses his arms. "I was not. Besides, I didn't think you felt the same way, and I... I was done chasing after you."

I turn, facing away from Four and into the deep, dark night.

"You could have told me. You could have asked me, that night at my house, and I would have said yes," I say hollowly. "But it's too late now."

"It's _not_ too late, Tris." He grips my shoulder and turns me around. "Please. Do you trust me?"

I take a step back. And another and another.

"Not anymore," I mutter. "If I ever did."

"Tris-"

"NO! I just-" the tears gather again, threatening to overtake me. "I just want to be left alone."

He throws his hands up in exasperation. "At least let me drive you home."

I spin on my heel and give him a death stare. "TOBIAS FUCKING EATON, I swear to GOD-"

"Fine then." He starts to walk off, then stops and sets the pair of high heels I lost on the sidewalk between us."You might want these."

Just before he continues down the street, he glances over my shoulder. "Tris, I love you. I hope it's not too late to say that."

I stay where I am long after he disappears. Finally I retrieve the shoes, slide them onto my feet, and walk to the train station just in time to catch the last train home.

* * *

Today is a Saturday, which is good because there's no way I can face Four. Not after last night.

At least the only person home when I walked in the door was my brother, who promised not to mention the party to our parents.

Since there is nothing else to do, I lie in bed and stare at the ceiling.

Last night, he told me that he loved me. I am still not sure that I believe him.

I can't hate him like I should. But I can't love him either.

Lauren can have him, if she wants. I don't care I don't care I don't. I don't need him and if I never see him again it'll be too soon.

"Beatrice! Breakfast!" my mother yells.

"Not hungry."

I hear the stomp of feet, and a minute later my Mom flings open the door to my room.

"Beatrice, are you all right?"

"My stomach hurts and my head hurts and I don't feel like eating," I say. Which is partly true, because the thought of last night makes me want to be sick.

A worried frown creases her brow. She rests a hand on my forehead, feeling for the excess heat that tells of a fever.

"You don't seem to have a temperature," she says finally. "But you should probably get some rest."

I nod, curling up into a ball. I can't do anything else right now, only sit and watch the hours drag by.

Three ginger Izze's and five games of Temple Run later, my phone buzzes with a text.

_Christina: hey gurl. U ok?_

I sigh and type a response.

_Tris: feel like crud. Sick :(_

_Christina: sucks. Y did U leave so early last night?_

So she doesn't know. Good. I don't feel like discussing my tragic love life at present.

_Tris: Felt like puking. Went home._

_Christina: :( hope U feel better._

_Christina: can I come over_

_Tris: NO_

_Tris: u don't want to get sick 2_

_Christina: k. Will B there in 10_

_Tris: asdfghjkl;"_

_Christina has signed off._

I sigh and set my phone on the nightstand. Christina will know I'm lying about being sick as soon as she sees me, and then she'll have the truth out of me in about three seconds.

My life just keeps getting better and better.

**Oh, and please please please review... the next chapter will come faster if you write one...**


	17. Chapter 16

**OMG! 94 reviews! I am so happy...**

**Anyway, here's the next chapter.**

**I'm hoping that this is better than the heckling speech I gave in speech class today (basically you try to give a speech while the audience tries to distract/annoy you. I got flustered and my whole speech just fell apart. Heckling everyone else was fun though)**

**Enough of that.**

"So." Christina plops down on my bed, swinging her feet over the side. "You're obviously not sick. But you," she continues, "look like shit. What happened?"

I glower at the wall. _"Four_ happened."

"What do you mean?"

I sigh and give her the whole story, starting with the night I got attacked.

"He walked away, but he told me that he loved me, and now I don't know what to do," I finish.

"Shit," she says finally. "That's crazy."

"Yeah," I say miserably. "Shit."

"And do you still like him?"

"Yes," I say involuntarily, and I cringe when I realize what I just said. "I mean, _no,_ not really... I'm not sure."

"Why don't you act like you're over him? Act like you think he's a total asshole and make him beg for mercy," she says helpfully.

I nod slowly, weighing the pros and cons in my head.

"That might work. Thanks, Chrissy."

"Welcome." I don't protest when she hugs me, and for a moment I compare her to Susan.

Susan was quieter, very smart, but not good with clothes and boys. Not like Christina is.

"Now it's my turn," Christina says.

I pick up a pencil and tap it against my chin. "What seems to be the problem?"

"I like Will. I've been dropping hints, but he doesn't seem to be getting the message."

"He reminds me a lot of my brother," I say. " He's so focused on school, he doesn't really pay much attention to what's going on around him. Just tell him right out. Guys like Caleb and Will don't respond to hints."

"When does any guy respond to hints?" Christina says ruefully, and we both laugh.

Just then, I hear Caleb's voice drift up from the hallway.

"I think she's with a friend right now. I can go get her, though."

"That would be great, thanks," a rough voice says.

My hands clutch the sheets tightly, like I'll fall apart if I let go.

"Oh my God. It's him," she whispers.

I nod, squeezing my eyes shut.

A moment later, Caleb appears at my door. "There's a guy who wants to see you. Four, I think his name was."

My voice comes out calm and steady. "I don't want to talk to him right now."

Caleb charges down the stairs and repeats what I told him. I hear muttered bits of conversation, and finally, Caleb says," all right then. I'll make sure she gets it. Goodbye."

The door slams, and Caleb barges into my room.

"He told me to give this to you," he informs me, handing me a bouquet of flowers and a note. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to study for exams."

Christina watches him go, shaking her head. "Studying for _exams? Now?_ Can you believe that guy?"

But I am speechless, staring at the note and all it implies.

_Tris,_

_I'm so, so sorry. Please forgive me._

_-Tobias_

It carries his scent, and my heart begins to beat that much faster.

**Sorry so short. Please review.**


	18. Chapter 17

"_There is always a little truth behind 'just kidding', a little emotion behind 'I don't care', a little pain behind 'it's okay', and a little need behind 'leave me alone.'" - Anonymous_

"This is Albert," Christina announces as she leads a boy over to our lunch table and plops down next to me, raising her eyebrows as if to say,_ time to make your move._

"Call me Al," he says in a clipped British accent, running a hand through his dark, wavy hair.

I have barely been able to speak to or look at Four today. Things are tense between the two of us, and his silent, sullen mood seems to accuse me of a crime I'm not sure I committed. On Saturday Christina told me to act like I was over him, but it is so much more complicated than that.

I hate Four more than even Peter right now.

I also love him more than anything.

Albert 'call me Al' takes a seat on my other side, and Christina kicks me under the table. I shake off my daze and look Al straight in the eye, leaning an elbow on the table.

I roll my eyes at Christina, take a deep breath, and put my plans into action.

"Hey, Al," I say, smiling at him like Christina and Marlene smile at some of the boys around school. "I'm Tris."

"Hey, Tris," he says, shrugging.

"So where did you move here from?" I ask, ignoring the burning feeling of Four's eyes on me.

"I've lived in London since I was little, and only just now moved back to the States."

So 'Call me Al' is _British._ How nice.

"That's cool," I say. "I'm new around here too. I moved from St. Louis a few months ago."

"Really?" he asks, surprised. "You don't seem like it. I mean, you're so... confident." That's what he thinks. If he knew the me behind the wall he would be running away from me, as far as possible.

I shrug and stab a piece of my lunch with my fork.

"It's not that hard to fit in."

"Yo, Four!" someone shouts from across the room. "Come sit with us!"

I turn to see all the football players crowded around a table, including Zeke and Uriah. Of course. There's a game today, it must've slipped my mind.

I look away as Four walks over to join them.

"They abandoned us," Marlene pouts, making her best friend Lynn roll her eyes and scowl at the ground.

"What about me?" Will asks, looking up from his books. "_I'm_ a boy. So is Al over there."

"True that," says Christina, slinging an arm around Will's shoulder.

"Do you know where the library is?" he asks Christina.

"What?" she says, confused.

"You could go this way, or that way..." We collapse into laughter as Will shows off his muscles.

"Or you could go this way," he says, pointing to himself.

"What's 'this way '?" Christina asks, tapping him on the chest with a painted finger nail and flinging her long, shiny hair over her shoulder.

"_I_ could take you to the library."

"Is that a date?" she replies, raising an eyebrow.

"Sure," Will says.

Christina grins and mouths _yes._

But I'm not really paying attention, because Four is staring at me and Al from across the cafeteria, then leans in to whisper something to his football buddies.

I pull the crumbled note out of my pocket and hold it in my fist, closing my eyes as Four looks over at me again.

"What's that?" Al asks.

"Nothing," I reply breathily, pulling out my iPod and shoving my earbuds in to my ears.

" _There's no reasons, no excuses. There's no secondhand alibis. Just some black ink on some blue lines, and a shadow you won't recognize..._"

**The song was 20 Years by the Civil Wars. Hope you liked it.**

**Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going now, to mediate on my screwed up love life. (I now have the deepest sympathies for Katniss Everdeen- being in a live triangle SUCKS. I don't get much sleep anymore...)**

**Oh, and thank you so, so, so, so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so SO much for all the reviews and follows and favorites... you guys are awesome. Seriously. My life would suck without my readers.**


	19. Chapter 18

**Just got back from shopping for a homecoming dress... am completely exhausted (because my mom can be another Christina when she wants to be.) But I found what I was looking for, so here's an extra long chapter. Enjoy!**

" _Tell me it's nothing, try to convince me that I'm not drowning. Oh let me tell you, I am..._"

My old, clunky CD player whirrs as I throw on jeans, a black T-shirt, and a denim jacket, putting my hair into a messy bun. I glance at the mirror, staring at my own piercing blue eyes.

" _Please, please tell me you know, I've got to let you go. I can't help falling out of love with you..."_

I'm about to do something stupid. Stupid, and potentially dangerous.

Christina suggested showing Al around Chicago yesterday at lunch, since this is his second day at Dauntless high. Zeke and Uriah suggested going to Navy Pier after hours. Of course the rest of the gang agreed.

" _Why am I feeling so guilty? Why am I holding my breath? I worry 'bout everyone but me, I just keep losing myself..."_

Our plan is to vault the fence, climb on the rides, etc. etc. I'm nervous, but that may just be the fact that Four's coming along, and so is Al, who I've been flirting with since I met him yesterday...

" _Won't you read my mind? Don't you let me lie here and die here..._"

I like Al, as a friend. But there is something about Al, an inner weakness, that I could never be attracted to.

I will never stop loving Four.

Even if he hurt me. Even if he led me on. This is the nature of love: even after all that has happened, I still wish and hope for him, a completely illogical thing.

" _Haven't you noticed? I'm sleepwalking."_

The song ends and I shut off the CD player, turn off my lights, and open the door to the hellhole Caleb calls a bedroom. Books are all over the floor, as are his blankets. He is sitting on the bed, because there isn't space anywhere else, typing on his laptop. He looks up when I enter.

"I'm going to Christina's. Bye." I slam the door shut again and sprint down the stairs.

Sometimes, it really helps to have a distracted brother and parents who always work late.

I run out to the curb and see that Christina's already waiting for me, blasting music from her cherry red Beetle.

" _Once upon a time a few mistakes ago I was in your sights, you got me alone. You found me, you found me, you found me..."_

"Hey, girl. What took you so long?" she asks as I slide into the seat next to her.

"I gotta look good for the boys," I say sweetly, brushing a strand of hair away from my face.

Christina laughs and turns the key in the ignition. "How do I know you weren't just daydreaming about Four?"

"Shut it," I say halfheartedly.

" _Cause I knew you were trouble when you walked in, so shame on me now. Flew me to places I'd never been, 'til you put me down, oh..._" Christina croons along with the radio.

I plug my ears.

"What? You don't like my singing? _Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble_ !"

"Will you shut up?"

"Fine," she pouts.

I grip the arm rest as hard as I can as she swerves onto a side street. "Good God, Chris. Where did you learn to drive?"

"My totally hot cousin Fernando. Are you on your period or something?"

"I might be," I mutter, looking out the window at the dark silhouette of the Sears Tower.

" _No apologies, he'll never see you cry. Pretend he doesn't know that he's the reason why you're drowning, you're drowning, you're drowning..._"

"Almost there", she says, shaking her wind-tossed hair out of her face. "Do I look okay? I think Will's gonna be here."

"You look fine. Better than I do, anyway."

She shakes her head at me and parks the car. "Ready?"

"As I'll ever be." I push the door open and step out into the windy Chicago night.

"Yo! Over here!" Uriah shouts, waving his arms frantically. I turn and see that the rest of the gang is already there, standing by the fence.

Four leans casually against the fence, wearing ripped, worn jeans and a grey t-shirt just tight enough to show the indent between his collarbone and his bicep.

When he sees me looking at him, his lips curl up in a smirk and he raises an eyebrow.

Embarrassed, I turn away.

"C'mon. Let's do this thing."

Shauna and Zeke go first, climbing the fence like they do it all the time.

Knowing them, they probably do.

"Let's go, Tris." Lynn motions to me, and she and Uriah and Marlene and I start to climb. It's hard, because the fence is slippery and I basically have to shimmy up the poles, but I eventually reach the top, take a deep breath, and jump down to the grass on the other side, landing on my feet.

When everyone is over the fence, we walk slowly towards the rides, talking quietly amongst ourselves.

I am silent. It's chilly tonight, and I pull my jacket tighter around me. Unfortunately, the denim isn't very warm.

"You cold?" Al asks me. "Here."

He slides his jacket off his shoulders and wraps it around me. I smile gratefully. "Thanks."

The jacket smells like him- lemon grass and sage.

"I like your hair that way," he whispers before pulling away.

I am in a hole, digging myself deeper and deeper with every word. I feel so guilty for using Al in this way, but it seems to be working, judging from the look Four gives me.

But I am hurting him. Really, I'm just hurting them both.

Uriah straddles one of the merry-go- round horses. "What do you want to do?"

As everyone starts to talk at once, I turn around and look at the huge Ferris wheel looming silently above us.

I think I'm going to climb.

I break away from the rest of the group and walk towards the structure, listening to the soft thud of my feet on the sidewalk.

This is crazy, and I know it. One slip and I fall to my death.

But to me, this doesn't feel scary-crazy like cutting my wrist or moving, or something that is completely and utterly beyond my control.

This is crazy like going to parties or falling in love with Four.

That's why I do it anyway.

I put my weight on the lowest rung and test it to be sure that it will hold me. I smile in spite of myself as I begin to climb.

That is, until someone grabs my ankle.

"Tris. What exactly do you think you're doing?"

**Kind of a cliffy there ;)**

**Since it's a Saturday, though (and I don't have to deal with certain guys pulling up the legs of their shorts and screaming "THIGHS", thank God,) I just may have another chapter out by tonight.**

**If you remember to review.**

**Oh, and the songs were:**

**Falling by the Civil Wars and**

**I knew you were Trouble by Taylor Swift.**

**These songs basically describe how Tris feels about Four in this chapter (because every song I put in here is here for a reason.)**


	20. Chapter 19

**Prepare for the fluffy goodness of this chapter.**

** Disclaimer: I now own a beautiful midnight blue homecoming dress, a matching necklace, and dangly earrings. Unfortunately, the rights to Divergent were not available for purchase at Burlington. Sorry.**

I turn to find Four standing underneath me, his hands on his hips.

"I'm climbing," I reply. "I don't think I'm doing anything."

I see his smile in the dark. "All right. I'm coming."

I almost smile back. Then I remember that I'm supposed to be angry at him, not in love with him. I glare down at him. "Fuck off."

He raises his eyebrows. "You don't really want me to leave. If you did, you wouldn't have come in the first place."

This is true. I grit my teeth and keep climbing, ignoring the sounds of him climbing behind me.

"Aren't you afraid of heights or something?" I snap finally, annoyed. I fear his instability and shifting moods.

They remind me too much of my own weaknesses.

"Look." He stops climbing, and I can hear his heavy, panting breaths from where I am, high above the ground. "I understand why you're pissed at me. I hurt you, and you like Al. You hate me. Okay. I get it. But can you stop this- this whatever it is? Please?"

I look down again, and for a moment I don't see the boy who I caught making out with Lauren. I see the one who saved me twice, the one who showed up at my door bruised and bloody. I see the one who kissed me in the dark night not so long ago.

And now, he's saved me a third time.

He's saved me from myself.

"I don't hate you," I say softly. "I never really hated you."

I make my way up to a small platform towards the centre of the wheel and sit, hugging my knees to my chest. Four joins me, and I scoot over to make room for him. We can see the whole city from here, and the platform is just barely big enough for two.

It's amazing. He's amazing.

"Tris." He takes my face in his hands and tilts it so I have to look at him. Here, with the moon on his skin and the fire of his dark eyes, he could be an angel. Or the devil himself.

"Four?" I stare intently at him. "Is something wrong?"

"Nothing," he says smoothly. "I just wanted to see your face. And please don't call me that. My name is Tobias."

"Tobias," I whisper.

"That's better. Tris," he says again with a pained expression. "I just realized that-"

"Tris? Four? Where the fuck are you? We're leaving!" someone, maybe Zeke, yells from below.

"Um..." I say. "Start climbing down. I'll follow you."

He does so, and I find myself watching the lithe movements of his body as he makes his way downward.

"Trissy? You coming?"

"Do NOT CALL ME TRISSY." I scowl at him, which only makes him grin wider."

I roll my eyes and make my way down. I'm not sure whether it's the height or the boy, but I can't breathe right until we both stand on solid ground again.

"Tris! Tris! Guess what?" Christina runs over to me, as excited as I've ever seen her.

"What?" I say, wondering what the hell it is this time.

"I asked Al out on your behalf, and he said yes!"

No. NO. Please, not this. Not now. I bury my head in my hands.

"What?" she asks, confused. "Is there a problem or something?"

"No," I say, my voice strained. "It's just..."

"Oh. Four?" She says, glancing in his direction.

"Yeah. I just thought... you know. That he was _the one._"

"At least give Al a chance."

"Oh, all right," I grump. "Fine."

But I don't look at Tobias again for the rest of tonight. I don't want to see the hurt in his eyes as Al kisses my forehead, or as I sit on Al's lap for the ride back, talking and laughing and masking the hurt inside.

_M-E-R-C-Y_

**Review! Review! Review! **


	21. Chapter 20

_Did she let him go? Or did the four winds blow him away? Oh, does she even know, she's the girl with the red balloon?_

-The Girl with the Red Balloon by the Civil Wars

* * *

I sit in silence, sipping at a vanilla milk shake and staring at my reflection in the glass window. I can't meet Al's eyes, in fear that he will somehow see the truth in them, that I can't like the new British boy with the dark curly hair in that way.

My heart has already chosen a different path; one of dark blue eyes and climbing Ferris wheels and glances from across a classroom.

I love Tobias.

"So, um." Al clears his throat uncomfortably. "What do you like to do?"

I have to think about it for a moment. I can't exactly say I like to send myself to the hospital, like I used to do, and I don't do much these days.

"Well," I say. "I do marching band. It's okay, I guess. But I don't really get out much."

He grins, and somehow it looks scary, reflected in that thin glass window. But none of that matters, because I can see right out into the street, and a rusty truck just like Tobias's is driving past. I catch a look at the license plate as it trundles past, and I gasp.

The license plate reads: FOUR

It's him.

I almost spill my milk shake. Al looks at me in concern. "Are you okay?" He asks. "Do you need to go home?"

I swallow and manage to nod. "Yeah, I'm fine," I get out. "I should probably go home after this, though. I think I'm coming down with something."

If a case of Tobias Eaton on the brain counts as 'coming down with something.'

We finish our food, pay for it, and walk out to Al's shiny yellow Ford mustang. I don't like Al's car. It's too shiny and new and smells like rubber and cologne. Or maybe it's just because it isn't Tobias's car.

I am in a daze the entire ride back to my house.

After I wave goodbye to my 'boyfriend', plastering a fake smile on my face and turning my head when he leans into kiss me so that his lips graze my cheek, I race up to my room and fall onto the bed, wincing as something hard digs into my back.

I roll over, pull whatever it is out from under my bed, and stare in confusion. In my hand is a book I've never seen before, with a glossy cover and a library sticker. The title is _Romeo and Juliet._

There is a yellow sticky note in the corner, and I rip it off the plastic protecting the book.

_Beatrice,_

_One of your friends stopped by while you were out and said to give this to you. Thought you might find it interesting. There's pizza in the fridge for dinner, I'm at the university taking a math class and won't be home until late._

_-Caleb_

It has to have been Christina. This isn't typical Christina behavior, though- she's never been one for books. And why _Romeo and Juliet _of all the books she could pick? Caleb calls it a 'classic', and Christina is more into New teen romance books such as _Twilight_ and _Pretty Little Liars._

All I can think is that she must be trying to tell me something.

I shrug, settle into my bed, and begin to read.

**Sorry this was short and filler-y but I figured I owed you a chapter. I've been busy with my new story, Intransigent (my version of Allegiant please read) and marching band stuff... and trying to make sense of my indoor drumline music, which looks like it's been written in another language (I'm a clarinetist, not a vibraphone player. Wtf?)**

**Anyway. That ends my apology. Thanks for reading and reviewing!**


	22. Chapter 21

**Hi again! I decided that I was waaay overdue for another chapter, so here goes...( warning: this chapter and the next one might get a little graphic, the characters pretty much just did what they wanted to in this chapter- Al. Whoa.)**

**the song in this chapter is Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana. It's borderline scream-o (aka metal music) , totally Dauntless, and it has become my new favorite song. ( Sorry, TributeAndProud. I know you're ashamed of me. I'll try to make it up to you.)**

**Anyway**.

The wind whips past me, taking strands from my twisty braid to float on the air. The clouds have a swollen, heavy look, the way they did the day I moved here, when we first pulled off the highway and onto the streets of Chicago. As I sit on the steps in front of my house, waiting for Christina to pick me up for a 'mystery outing' with the rest of the gang, I can't help thinking about home.

What used to be home, anyway.

I haven't had any contact with Susan and Robert since we left St. Louis, and I feel guilty about almost completely forgetting about them these past few weeks. Maybe that's a good thing, though. I'm a different girl from the one they knew. I would be a stranger to them.

Loud music blares, startling me from my daze. I look up to see a large SUV pulling up beside me, windows rolled down. Shauna sits at the wheel, beckoning to me, and I breathe a sigh of relief that I don't have to deal with Christina's awful driving.

I pull open the door and squeeze inside, muttering an apology as my elbow connects with someone's nose. I squeeze into the very back , in between Tobias and Al. There is barely enough room for the three of us, considering that Al is practically a human boulder.

"Want to sit on my lap?" he offers. His breath smells odd, thick and sharp. Or maybe it's just the fact that we're crowded so close together.

"No, thanks." I am having problems breathing, which I think might have something to do with the proximity of Tobias and the fact that his warm leg is gently pressing against mine.

My hand brushes his, and he grasps it tightly, turning his head ever so slightly to glance at me. I feel a thrill in my stomach as he runs one finger down my palm.

Then he lets go.

The song ends, and a new one starts up, thrilling and wild. I lean back in my seat and focus on the music.

_"Load up on guns, bring your friends  
It's fun to lose and to pretend  
She's over bored and self assured  
Oh no, I know a dirty word"_

I laugh along with everyone else as Uriah plays air guitar and sings loudly along with thradio, but I am mainly focused on Tobias. His eyes are closed, his head tilted back, and his fingers drum out a beat on the armrest as he mouths the words. A soft smile works its way onto my face and I fight off a sudden, ridiculous urge to reach up and rub his head, like I used to do to Robert when we were little kids.

_"With the lights out, it's less dangerous  
Here we are now, entertain us  
I feel stupid and contagious  
Here we are now, entertain us"_

In some strange way, the song speaks volumes about the boy with the dark blue eyes. A memory surfaces, unbidden, of one of our band classes a few weeks ago.

We had a substitute teacher in band that day, and everything was total chaos. Instead of practicing my clarinet, for I while I just sat and watched Tobias play guitar. He didn't notice me.

He was playing this exact same song.

I shake my head, and turn to stare out the window. I need something else to think about.

That something isn't long in coming, because Al puts his hand on my thigh, making me uncomfortable.

"Hey," I say vaguely, trying to squirm away. It doesn't work. Instead, Al grips my leg tighter, and his hand slowly creeps upwards. I feel a nervous panic starting in my chest.

"I want you," he whispers. He bumps his lips with mine, and I pull away, practically climbing onto Tobias, who is watching us with concern.

The scent on Al's breath, I realize, is alcohol. He's drunk.

"Al," I say uncomfortably. "I don't want this."

"Yes you do," he declares, slurring his words. His hand is almost _there,_ and I reach out to slap him away. Instead, he grabs me and shakes me roughly, not enough to hurt, but enough for me to know that he means buisiness.

"Hey. Dude, stop. You heard her. She doesn't want to. Now back off." I hear a low note of warning in Tobias's voice, and I can feel his tense muscles behind me.

Al ignores me, massaging my inner thighs. I slap him across the face, and he growls, almost like a bear.

"What's going on back there?" Shauna yells, pulling over to the side of the road. I have already planned my escape- slip quickly past Al out into the street and run away. _Far_ away.

But I never get that chance. Al grabs my arm in a viselike grip and drags me out to the curb.

"Let's get one thing straight, _Tris,"_ he mutters through clenched teeth. "You're my girlfriend, and you do what I say."

No. I won't. I won't. I swear I will not let him touch me while I still draw breath.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Tobias and Uriah step out of the SUV.

I scream as Al grins, and makes another grab for my leg.

I bite, I kick I do whatever I can think of. I end up getting punched in the face and slammed to the ground. I close my eyes as blood trickles from my nose and Al lowers himself over me.


	23. Chapter 22

_Be brave_  
_I'm coming to hold you now _  
_When all your strength has gone _  
_And you feel wrong_  
_Like your life has slipped away _

Follow Me by Muse

* * *

Just as he bends down to smash his lips against mine, he is literally lifted off me and thrown to the ground. I can only watch, dazed and confused, as Tobias becomes a blur of movement, kicking and slashing, the strength in his muscles apparent to everyone watching. Slow, heavy, drunk Al can't compete.

Al tries an upper cut aimed at Tobias's face, but Tobias grabs his arm and jerks him forward. I hear a crack as Al's finger snaps, and Tobias twists around and kicks his back.

Three more blows to Al's head and it's all over. He falls to the ground unconscious. Blood spurts from his nose, his hand,and about ten other places besides. It pools on the ground, and his nose is twisted at an odd angle.

His finger hangs off of his hand, just barely attached by the skin. I clench my teeth to keep from screaming again.

"Shit," Uriah says softly.

"Someone call the police to take this asshole in," Tobias says, and walks over to me, gently crouching down by my side. "Did he hurt you?"

I shake my head. Tobias wraps his arms around me and gently lifts me to my feet, and I hold onto him like he's a lifeline. I lean my head on his shoulder and cry.

"I won't let anyone touch you, ever again," he says. And I believe him.

He leads me back to the car, where everyone else sits, staring in horror, and tells me to stay. Then, as I watch from the window, he explains everything to the police that have just arrived.

Eventually he beckons to me to come out again.

"Hello," says a female officer with black hair and dark eyes. "I'm Rita, and this is Harrison," she says, indicating a tall blond man to her left, "and Mitchell. We'd like to ask you a few questions, if you don't mind."

"All right," I say. My voice sounds strained.

"How exactly did this happen?"

I tell the cops the whole story, beginning with the date. They furiously scribble things onto their clipboards.

"Tob- I mean, Four, saved me," I finish. "He would have raped me, or worse, if Four hadn't been with me."

"Did Albert show any signs of...bad judgement... before the incident?"

I shake my head. "No. I think he was drunk, actually," I say, but my voice cracks as I see Al's body being hauled into the police cruiser.

Tobias puts a hand on my shoulder, and I lean back into his reassuring warmth.

They ask a few more questions, and write down my address and phone number.

"Thank you," Rita says primly. "That will be all."

Tobias walks me back to the SUV, and I slide into the very back beside him, moving as close as possible.

"Thank you," I tell him in a matter-of-fact tone."For saving my ass."

He wraps an arm around my shoulders. "I'd do anything for you, Tris."

And there it is again. That flickers fiery feeling that has haunted me from the beginning. I rest my head on his chest. It feels so wrong, and so right at the same time.

I think maybe we were meant to be.

"So where are we going?" I look up at him, trying to memorize every detail of his face- the short brown hair, the dark blue eyes with a patch of lighter blue on the left iris, the stubble growing on the line of his jaw.

"A tattoo parlor in the city."

I shake my head. "I can't get a tattoo. My parents would kill me."

"You don't have to." His voice is soothing, conciliatory. "Just come with us."

"Fine, then," I say. Because how could I say no to the hand gently stroking my hair, and those mysterious dark blue eyes?


	24. Chapter 23

**Half day today at school! I'm sorry for any mistakes, there is a B.O.A. marching band from Oklahoma at MY school practicing on OUR FIELD, AND THEY ARE SO FREAKING GOOD. I'm going crazy!**

"I already told you, Christina, I'm not getting a tattoo." I cross my arms and glare at her.

I can't think of anything I'd want on my body for the rest of my life, not to mention that my parents would kill me. And after the whole thing with Al, I'm feeling a bit sick. The last thing I want to do is sit in a creaky chair while people poke me with needles and ink.

"Fine, then." she grumps. "Wait. Would you get one if I paid for it?"

"NO," I state emphatically. "I'll let you take me shopping later to make up for it, though."

This seems to cheer her up, and she gives me a big grin. "Deal."

I lean against the wall of the dingy tattoo place and oil around at my friends. Zeke and Shauna are talking and laughing, oblivious to the tattoo artists hovering over them. Uriah is debating with Marlene over whether he should get a dinosaur or a unicorn.

And Tobias is leaning against the wall, just like I am, watching me.

I walk over to him. "Are you getting one?"

He shakes his head. "I don't want one." He pulls me closer and whispers in my ear, "do you want to get out of here?"

I nod, scanning the room to make sure that no one is watching us.

"What are you waiting for? Let's go," he says with a mischievous grin.

He takes me by the hand and we slip out the door, away from everyone else.

"Where do you want to go?"

I have to think about it. We can go anywhere in the city, because the train station is three blocks away. My head is filled with a million racing thoughts, and at least three quarters of them have something to do with Tobias.

"How about we go somewhere legal for a change?" I say.

About thirty minutes later, we're sitting on a small wooden bench at Navy Pier, watching a group of people with hair dyed neon colors and talking.

"So what was it like? Back in St. Louis, I mean," he asks, giving me a long look.

"I grew up there," I say softly. "I never thought I would have to leave. That's why I was so emotional when we first met. I hadn't quite learned to let go."

"I... know how that is," Tobias says, absently running a hand through his short brown hair. "When I was nine, my parents got divorced and I had to move here from Ohio. I actually like it better this way. I don't have to listen to them yelling at each other anymore, at least... and then there's you." He gives a low, rumbling laugh.

I have no idea what to say or do. I feel certain that my face is burning red. "What about me?"

"Remember. What I said after the party," he says, an undercurrent of some emotion I don't recognize running through his voice.

_I love you_.

"I'm not trying to be self deprecating," I say. I just don't get it. "I'm not pretty-"

He gives a light laugh and presses his lips to my forehead. I can't breathe.

"So? I like the way you look. You're strong and smart. And besides, when you found out about my dad-" his voice lowers to barely a whisper, and I have to lean in even closer. "You didn't give me that look, like I'm a kicked puppy dog."

I feel my heartbeat everywhere. I'm not sure who leans in first, but suddenly we are tangled, our lips pressed together.

And I don't want to unwind.

**How's that for your daily dose of FourTris? Updates may slow down, I started a Hunger Games high school fanfiction called Trouble ( check it out sometime) and I'm also working on Worth It and Intransigent.**

**Please Review!**


	25. Chapter 24

**This will probably be my last update for quite a while. I'm participating in this year's National Novel Writing Month (I have to write 30k words in between November 1st and November 30th and won't have much time for fanfiction.) I will try to update when I can.**

When we finally make it back to the tattoo parlor, hand in hand, I'm grinning like an idiot, and my hair is tangled and my lips are swollen. Christina looks at me like she no longer recognizes me, and I don't blame her.

I don't even recognize myself.

"So," she says, looking from me to Tobias and back again, "are you two a thing now?"

Tobias and I look at each other, and he seems to be asking the question with his eyes. I give him a slight nod.

Tobias nods, putting an arm around my shoulders. "Yes, we're together."

I smile up at him, and in that moment, we're the only two people in the world.

"Oh, God, get a room," Uriah groans. "I don't do well with this lovey dovey stuff.

Zeke smirks. "Shocking, considering what I caught you and Marlene doing the other day-"

"SHUT UP!" Uriah shouts, his face bright red. I crack up. For all of Uriah's complaints about PDA's, he's pretty much a big, soft teddy bear.

That's when I look up- just in time to see someone run behind the tattoo place.

"Look!" I yell, pointing. "Did you see that?"

"See what?" Shauna says lazily, scratching the back of her neck.

"There was a person who just ran behind the building." Everyone shakes their heads.

"Are you sure you aren't just seeing things?" Christina asks me, a look of concern on her face. "I mean, you're really stressed out 'cause of the whole thing with Al..."

An awful thought comes to mind. "What if the person is Al? And I'm pretty sure I'm not seeing things. I swear, there was just a guy over there."

I move away from Tobias and towards the trash cans by the side of the building, squatting down by a patch of mud. In it are two clear footprints.

"Look! See? I told you so-"

Then somebody grabs me from behind, and everything goes black.

**Crappy, I know, but I've been writing character profiles all day and my eyes are bleeding. Remember to check out my Hunger Games high school fanfiction, Trouble (the link is on my profile.)**

**Happy Writings!**


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